Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thoughts..
-12:06 AM
Yesterday, I realise many things with regards to long distance relationships (LDRs). I realise that so many r/s between ppl in class and their other half in Singapore have been broken. I realise how sometimes fairytales dont come true.
I was walking with person A and person B to buy stuff and person B said she has a new bf already cos she has given in so much she feels so drained and that she along with what she has done is just taken for granted. So, she decided to give this new person a chance and a chance for herself to lead a better life. A was telling her that its ok cos at least ppl learn from failed r/s and that there are happy memories to rmb.
In the evening, i stayed in class to try to mug but halfway, a more interesting discussion was going on at the back which made me bring my books and join in the discussion. One gal was sharing on how she found out her bf cheated on her just merely 3 wks after she reached BJ. She is only sticking on to the r/s to help the guy cos the guy feels utterly guilty towards both gals. And she really cant wait for the whole thing to end. Another gal also broke up due to a third party. One din start on one cos she and the guy felt that they should see if the feelings still remain even after 2 years and was afraid that she may get hurt cos being over here = we dont know what they are doing over there. One was giving her opinions tt guys will always be guys tt regardless what they say, they can and most prob will do another. All she wants is to have someone to walk with her and hold her hand along the beach when she is old but she cant seem to trust guys. She was saying if one has to choose between a playboy and an honest guy, choose the former cos the honest guy will pull a stunt to break your heart when you least expect it wheras the playboy, you will expect it and both type of guys will do wrong things anyway. One was saying tt her current bf is ok, but how does she knows tt there isn a better and more suitable one out there?
I didn say anything in the end, but i was listening, and just thinking..
LDRs, they say that the one that gets left behind actually feels more painful than the one that flies off, yet the way i see it, the one that gets left behind has a whole more opportunity and freedom wheras the one that flies is thrown into a world of uncertainty, uncertain of her and the one left and uncertain of the new world before her. All she needs is affirmation and assurance and mere words may just not be enough, esp when words are just said for the sake of saying.
It took a friend 3 years to build a r/s but 3 wks to break it. The rest of the ppl who still have their r/s are still wondering what the other person is doing. Some, can be nonchalent abt the whole failure and continue their life but some others cant. It was mentioned that the guy was very nice to them initially, prob to win them over and was really nice when they first started, but gradually, the guy wasn so nice anymore. No more commitment cos if they were, they wouldn have started their nonsense and started going out on single dates with other gals as if it were an open r/s or in the name of socializing.
When ppl get into a r/s, is it for themselves or for the other person? Theoretically, its for the other person..its the same reason as why ppl get married. But, more often than not, i think r/s are started cos 'i like her or i like him and so i wanna be with that person'. Nothing exactly wrong with that, but does the person actually know what the other person wants?
Wx always says 'Promises are meant to be fulfilled~'. Yet, in reality, do ppl really keep promises? Do they even know what they are promising? Or are they so scheming that they are leaving out loopholes in their promises so as to save themselves someday? I've always had the mindset that as long as i said yes, i meant yes and if i promise something, i remember it and i keep to it. Its that simple and i dont plan to get out of it cos if tts the case, i wouldn have made the promise in the first place. But...maybe i'm just 22 and have nv seen the world..mayb i'm too trusting and let down my guard, mayb i am just too naive..to even believe that exceptions do happen and that fairytales do not exist only in the storybooks.
What do i want out of life? I suddenly do not know. I feel..lost. I suddenly feel as if i have lost my interest in studying TCM..for whichever reason, i donno. I wonder if its because i'm overseas or because i am stuck in these lousy system of both schools. Everyone in class feels this way but there is nothing much we can do abt it. We have to face it as if its ok. and everyday when we get home, each person has to deal with their own set of emotional problems.
When i see my friends and their failed r/s, i obviously think about my own. Can it really withstand the test of time, distance, surroundings, and if there really are,bf-snatchers? The trust factor..is there really such a thing as trust? Or is it only a form of idealism?
Dear Lord, I pray that wherever you are leading me, that you will direct my paths and open my eyes to see things through Yours. I pray that I will be obedient to what You want me to do and even if it conflicts with what i wanna do. Father, I am confused at this point in my life with no one to actually turn to and trust esp when my family, the only ones that i know for certain will believe in my character regardless, are so far away. Help me depend on You and be sensitive to Your guiding and to make decisions that have Your blessings.In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
***
Shepherd of my soul,
I give You full control,
Wherever You may lead,
I will follow.
I have made the choice,
To listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead,
I will go.
Be it in the quiet pastures,
Or by the gentle stream,
The shepherd of my soul
Will be my guide,
Should I face the mighty mountains,
Or the valley down and deep
The shepherd of my soul will be my guide.
