Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours

:Chua Huiling, Christine:
.:21 going on 22:.
::28111986::


God.Family & Norman.Friends.Piano.Seashells.Fireworks.Travelling.Sceneries.Roller Coasters.Music.Bible.


*Europe.
*Disneyland.
*Maldives.
*..............
*..............
*..............

-1:51 PM

I'm having a splitting headache now. Started right after I went to the computer lab in NTU to look through info. Actually, the school itself and all that isnt realli that bad. Its kind of nice. Hah. Anyway, went for the inauguration ceremony today. We had to wear gowns(the graduation kind) to do our honour pledge. Then, we also did a wave formation with our light-sticks that are battery operated. Quite pretty actually. Then as usual, some deans and the pres of NTU gave talks and speeches. After that, there were the choir performances and a skit. Then everything ended and my favourite thing began-the tEA reception. Hah. The food was good lor, to me at least. Hah.

THen after that, Jing and I went to the computer terminals after which my headaches began. Then we went to recce the place-the labs, lec halls, classrooms etc etc. Met this chinese girl along the way called Da Wen if thats the way to spell her name. She came along too cause she was new as well. Certain lec halls were a distance away so we had to walk and we came to this carpark that was at B5! Whoever heard of basement five nowadays man. haahh. It was infested with loads of mosquitoes and I was literally attacked when we entered. Jing din have any bites for obvious reason-they bit me! What crap! One bit so strategically on my finger that the finger became swollen. And there was this one that kept flying near me and I was so frantically trying to wave it away. Thank God no one but jing and I were around. So altogether I had...one..two...three...four...FIVE mosquito bites in like 2 mins??? SO irritating and itchy! Made jing hold my baggie while I scratched for all that was worth! Argh! I hope someone or something poison those commando trained mosquitoes that apparently select people to attack! To think that I thought those were only found in tekong and ubin.

Yea..after that, jing and I went to boon lay station to make our tertiary concession card. Then, we got stopped by this group of prudential pple who were trying to market their savings plan to us. Well, Jeffery already told me about it last time and daddy din want me to do it coz I will be using my allowance in the savings plan which din make sense since if I have not enough money, my parents have to chip in. Then, I will be like using their money to save..A bit no link and dont make sense. Ha..They want me to work then save. Thats more logical rite..ahah..so told that to the guy who was trying to get me to invest into their plan and he agreed with me. Ha..me good at convincing pple. Hah..and they very smart, say do survey but actually trying to sell us their stuff. Hah..pointed this out to him and both of us just stood there luffing. Jing also manage to siam the person who was talking to her. Actually they were both talking rubbish to us..asking us abt NTU and the goody bags since they saw so many pple carrying them. Ha..


-9:27 AM

Sigh sigh sigh...

School begins for me tomorrow at NTU. Cant believe it! 7 months of holiday-the longest one will probably have, is gone in a twinkling of an eye. I know I am supposed to look forward to school and all that but..I really simply dont feel like going. This is weird cause I normally like school even when june and dec hols come to and end. But now..argh! I like life as it is right now. From tomorrow onwards, I have to start all that studying and paying attention and the much dreaded homework and assignments and tests all over again!!!for 5 years somemore...haix..know how I feel right now??? know a not??!!! Argh..I suddenly wish I am in SMU coz they start school latest like 25 aug? And the worse is I dont know anyone in my course..well..technically I dont know anyone. Haix..I feel so very down and yea..alone..feel as crappy as crap now if you get what I mean..

Anyway..went out yesterday with jude, weeling, jo jo and squid to marina to eat steamboat. There was this woman giving out flyers at marina bay station. The flyer said that we could take the company's shuttle bus to this place where we can eat steamboat and bbq for 10 bucks (kids 5 bucks) so we just decided to try it. Yea..at that place, if we take too much and cannot finish, they weigh the "remains" and we'll have to pay for it. And guess what..we took too much food. Haha..they have 100 varieties lor...at least according to that flyer. Ha..so we waited till we were all stuffed up and...walked off...oops..haha..but I really dont wanna pay lor..but its kind of bad hor..haah..den after that, we went to raffles city starbucks to sit around and talk. Hah..basically had fun lar...talk and laugh and laugh and laugh...haha...yea...


-3:06 PM

Today was a tiring day! Actually its more like accumulation of lack of sleep over the past few days since I have been going out everyday except for tuesday when I cleaned my room! Cleaning also very tiring you know. Anyway, woke up at 7.40am today cause I was suppose to go MacRitchie to watch/support canoe finals. Weixin asked me if I wanted to go the day before and since I never see before so might as well. And as anyone may expect, I was late coz I had problems waking up...fell asleep in 157 bus as well but thats normal since its the route I take to nj last time and I almost always sleep. Hah

The atmosphere there was great man! Alll those cheering from various schools! There were no spectator stands or whatsoever. Everyone just stood around behind the line markings and cheered. Made me wanna cheer also but didn coz very paiseh..haha and it was great watching those canoes "increasing" in size(the starting line is heaps far away cause its a 1000m competition and they look like black dots) as they came closer to the finishing line where I was at. Well, wx's cousin yuhang came in first with his teammate. Hah..so happy for them. I was half supporting HC and half supporting NJ. Some pple canoed with caps or sunglasses. Those with sunglasses looked heaps cool man and the caps...stood out...recognisation purposes. Hah. I went there actually to find my expo friends from HC..haha..they are all canoeists. Recognised dearest yanneng with her distinct blue adidas cap but we only talked to her at the end since we couldn disturb her while she was preparing and gearing herself up with momentum for the race. ha..she still look as cute and sweet as before haa.

I suddenly felt and am still feeling the want to join canoeing. aha..Typical me..gets motivation from looking at events! ha..maybe in the end i wont join canoeing but maybe something that allows me to train and compete! I love to feel the rush of adrenaline!


-2:36 PM

Heys...

today is the dunno-number-what-time I have been to orchard. Sigh. My second home. Anyway, I had driving today for an hour from 9 to 10. Then, I went down to NDC for my dental check-up. Well, the appt was at 11.15 and I reached at around 10.30. I thought that I could complete my check-up super quickly since I arrived so early. But oh no, my turn only came at around 11.10. Haiz. Fine lar, who ask the person in front of me take so long. The worst thing was that when I was waiting to pay and book next appt, they took super long or mayb I was too impatient but it seemed to me that somebody after me got to pay first. Hmmph! and to make matters worse, I had to go to level 4 to pay when I was at level 5 before heading to ANOTHER counter to book appt. Since the appt counter was at level 5, I thought I might as well book appt first but the lady was so busy wif wadever she was doing-some admin stuff and she was doing it rather slowly that I got so impatient and decided to go downstairs to pay first. On my way up again, I decided to go to the toilet cause I figured that she wont be done as yet. True enough, the moment I stepped back in to book appt, my name was called. Hah. Good time management sia! Accurate..

But by the time I was done, it was already 11.35am. I was rushing to get to my dad's office earlier so that he can bring me go eat at the poly restaurant. Argh! Still, I arrived too late and had to settle for air-con food court cause he had lessons at one. After that, I went to orchard to meet sharon. We were supposed to meet at 2pm and for the first time, I was HALF AND HOUR early. Sharon arrived at 2.15pm and Weixin at 2.40pm. WX was supposed to reach at 2.30pm. All that waiting made me bored, sleepy and irritated by the minute! I tell you, if it wasn hard concrete ground behind me at the place I sat when I waited, I would have laid down and sleep. Argh..Anyway, we talked and yea, talked..haha.about..well..the future I would say. Was supposed to meet Huimin for dinner but she had to work OT last min. So yea, the date was cancelled! So sad! I was so looking forward to see her before uni start. But I made her come down and take photos wif me anyway. Shes so heaps tall and me,well, vertically challenged.


-11:51 PM


me and dearest huimin...I'm so short! shucks.. 


-11:50 PM


i'm tearing...ya right! its the flu bug... 


-11:49 PM


me with sharon's specs!! look pro??ha 


-11:47 PM


besties from S16! 


-3:58 PM

I've decided NOT to touch new age music. I was looking for Kevin Kern's scores at the YAMAHA store in PS. His scores are of new age music. I didnt think that there was anything bad about them until Sharon said that there are lots of controversies about new age music and such music are known to take away your mind. Mayb thats why they give the calming effect. Anyway, I was a bit disappointed that when we reached the shop, the shop was closed. BUT, I noticed another door that led into the store..the shop apparently has two doors. So, me, shar and wx made our way in. THe guy allowed us in coz we requested for just a minute. But then, the sales lady said that Kevin Kern books were out of stock and will only be at the Tampines and Thomson Plaza. I was obviously more disappointed than ever than. Sharon bought her manuscript book.

Thinking back now, I guess God didnt want me to learn those songs and thus, so many obstacles. It isnt good for me anyway. And yea, those music gives pple that kind of drifting emotion which isnt very good. Its so heaps difficult for me to give up finding these scores since I like the songs so much. But then, while talking to Win just now, she said she put aside her Kevin Kern cd after knowing that it wasnt very good. I must say that its more difficult to not listen to the cd and give that up than not to buy the book. The cd is just so near you and one can just give in to the temptation. Yep and so for that, I thought I should not buy the book and not go anywhere near those songs. Its soooooo very hard. Squeezing tears through my eyes. But yea, I'm not buying that book nor listening to those songs. I dont wanna oppose and do things to disappoint the Lord! Lord, help me and give me strength!


-5:30 AM

My "long-awaited" piano exam is finally over! And the worse thing is, I kinda screwed up one song. TOo nervous I guess..Forgot the note(s) and pressed the wrong key at the wrong time in the middle-end up had to repeat the whole row coz I was too distraught to know how to continue. Oh well..hope everything turns out fine and I can at least get a merit! haha..I had lotsa hopes for the exam this time, aiming for a distinction man..hehe.

Anyway, I have slightly more than a week left before I start school. Rats! Sigh...so quickly seven months have passed.. and what have I been doing man??Haha..I am going to go out next week-my last week of freedom. I am just starting to like my life as it is now and school has to come. Argh!haah.


-2:42 AM

I just received a call last night from NTU sport's club saying that I am selected for their camp. We had to send in our photos and cca records since sec school for them to look through for selection purposes. But then, I suddenly decided not to go. I think its better if I dont go and not screw up my piano exam. THats smarter rite!!hahas..Den now..I suddenly dunno if I should go..hah..I think got some pple wanna box me already..

Cant stand it..why am I that fickle-minded!?! And its not only on this one small matter..


-3:04 AM

I was on my way back from orchard when I got super hungry. I havent experienced this in donkey years. SO hungry was I that when I walked down the stairs at lakeside station, I could feel my legs becoming more and more wobbly. Its not funny. Was breaking out in cold sweat as I walked home. But then, I met my dad and sis and followed them to the market. Bad choice! I was like dragging myself with all that hunger to follow them. Felt so very tired. Even my sis realised I was perspiring in the cool weather! Anyway, we finally got home and I wasn in my best mood for obvious reasons. So, I snapped at anyone who irritated me. I ate two meals, the one my mum cooked and the other, the noodles I bought back from the market. But my hands were still vibrating even after I ate. Had palpitations. Sigh..Then my stomach started to ache. Had to make chinese tea to like warm my stomach. Dots. Wonder is it dinner or the tiramisu latte that caused that..


-3:56 PM

Its 12.54am. And I cant sleep caused I am all stuffed up. Ordered two pizzas and 17 baby chicken drumsticks for the family cause there was some package thingy. Ate 3 slices and 3 baby drumsticks so I am like da pau now...so much tummy...

So much fats to lose, so little time...muwhahahah...


-3:32 PM

Heyo..

I had problem sleeping last night for what reason I do not know. How irritating..I seldom have this problem on "normal" days. "Abnormal" days would be those with exams. Anyway, I tossed and turned to daylight somehow. Was supposed to have foundation classes as per normal but gwen didn turn up. Dots...end up class was cancelled and I just sat there with Sis Emily and listened to Ps Margaret Seaward's msg over the walkman. In between the listening, Sis Emily and I talked. She realised I was from FMSS cause I was doodling on the bulletin sheet and apparently, she knows Ms Lim Lian Neo. Took me a while to recall who she was. Hah. Anyway, Sis Emily said Ms Lim is not teaching anymore but is preaching in New Creation.


Today's worship was great. I played piano. Hees. Okay, thats beside it. For the past few worship session, each time I played, I felt that something was lacking in the worship. When I play the piano in church, there has to be a certain "feel". In fact, for musicians, the very thing that enables them to play for God, is that "feel". That "feel" is not anything anyone can have nor anyone can just produce. It is God-given. I once remembered Ps Steven telling me that, once, a lady with superb piano qualifications tried playing church songs but no matter how she tried, she couldn get the "feel" Ps Steven wanted. Ps Steven says that although he doesn know how to play piano, he is able to hear the difference between one thats annointed by God and one that isnt. At that point, she wasnt. So, he gave her some songs and asked her to practise at home. She did so for a week. THe next week when she came back, she had the annointing. Apparently, while practising at home, she played and played until she cried. Such is the power of God as I have experienced it myself while playing the piano. THe feeling was exceptionally strong when I first started out in the ministry in my secondary school days. Those were the days where my playing was not good, in fact, very lousy but somehow, through that lousiness(new word-learn it!) of mine, people were ministered. God could transform my lousy playing into something that ministered to people. COuld just feel the Holy Spirit annointing on me. Those were the times where I experienced the Holy Spirit super strongly. My legs were just vibrate below and despite the lousy piano(yea, the piano wasn good as well), the playing came out real well. After a while, I could even play songs just by listening. THis is a skill that I want to improve on, a skill I nv want to let go. It was really nice to hear Ps Steven say that I have the gift of God in playing. Makes it extra special. Even during presentations when I thought I didnt play well, people said I played well. SOmehow, God change the sound? did something to people's ears ? I dont know.

Anyway, for the past week, I was thinking why I seemed to have lost that "feel" for the past few worship sessions. Then suddenly, it dawned onto me that we did not pray before the session. Last time when I first started, we always prayed. Now, somehow, we start practising late and thus, everything is in a rush, and we forget to pray. Normally, I would quietly pray in my head for God to control my fingers and all..but I guess its different when we pray as a group as a body. I mean, this worship involves everyone so everyone should pray together ma. Yea..So, I was going to request for prayer before the worship session today but Sis Boon Eng got ahead of me. She requested it first. Hah.It was like..wow...like a pray answered. And true enough, today was the best I played in a very very long time. Despite the lousy piano, the sound was great and strong and people were blessed.

Playing piano for the Lord was something not expected. When I first went to ElimJW and heard the pianist play, I sort of wished that I was the one doing that. The pastor then, after knowing that I learn piano, said that she would let me try one sunday. But that didn come. It was only when another pastor(s) took over, did I get a hand with the piano. But with no guidance and all that, I was like on my own. People from the main church had to come sometimes and I would just sit next to them and watch. Often, I had to be thick-skin and just press the keyboard even though the keys are all wrong. Sometimes, the pastor would just ask me to stop playing cause the playing was bad. But still, I thank God for Deb, someone from the main who always encouraged me to play. She would show me how to play certain songs and all that and she was nice company. The two of us always complaining about being fat..HAha..

Anyway, I thank God for my determined spirit and thank Him for helping me! So for all you who
are in ministries or who are just struggling in there, just hang on and it will pay off! Be thick-skinned!


-4:01 AM

Today is the 1st of july. And I realised that my farecard has expired!!! I was boarding a bus, on my way to give tuition when the system just reflected my card as EXPIRED! oh man..How irritating..wonder if any of you 18-turning-19 people have such problems as well. Anyway, I saw that and started digging into my purse for coins. I only had 4 20cents, 2 5cents and a dollar for coins. I wasnt sure if the fare was 65 or 55 cents, (now thinking back, obviously the fare was 55cents) so I just asked the driver. He thought for a while and then said 65. ANd guess what, when the tix came out, it reflected 55 cents! ok..maybe its a ten cent difference only but it still irritates me that drivers cheat money! Argh..ok..maybe its my fault too...didn say destination, so he must have assumed the longer distance and thus, more money. ANyway, back to the topic of my expired farecard. On my way home, I scrutinised the card for the small prints and stuff to see if they said anything about when it expires and stuff. Realised that they said the card is for sec/pre-u students and since the card was issued in 01/11/2001, obviously today being 1st of july would be the expiry date. So whatever..so inconvenient now! blah!


-2:38 PM

hey heys..

its been a week since I last posted. Not that I had nothing to post but because I was simply too lazy to do so. Haha. Anyway, I went driving today and perfected my skills and all that. Then I met my dad at clementi DBS bank to settle my tuition loan. The person there took one look at me and asked " you here for the tuition loans?" Ha. They processed my docs real fast man..faster than I thought. THey made me and my dad whos the guarantor sign, photostat our ics and the papers and we're done! Oh ya..this was done at an upper level in clementi DBS. I didn even know that there was an upper level until they led me to it. Sound so sua koo. Haha. But yea..like we were important clients like that. Ha..

THen, my dad and I went to NTUC and bought NOTHING cause he said that the stuff can be bought at a cheaper price at the medicinal shop. So we got out of NTUC and noticed this indonesian guy selling fruits and atapchi and honey outside. My dad, whos always and i mean and stress, ALWAYS, interested in this kind of thing went to take a look. THe indonesian guy sold this orange fruit that is seldom seen in markets nowadays. Actually he sold stuff that i couldn recognise nor name except for mango, chilli, atapchi and honey. My dad conversed with him in malay but after a while my dad couldn understand him and neither could he understand my dad. Haha..One chicken one duck talking.Hha..So my dad like asked the aunties around and another indonesian about the stuff and what they guy was trying to say. Hah..In the end, my dad got that guy to choose the orangy fruits for him since normally sellers know which are the good ones. ANd that guy really choose the nicest ones in the bunch..I could tell. He sold it at 7 for $2(wonder how much can he earn at the rate he sells man) but in the end, he picked 9 for my dad. Ha..Even showed us how to eat it. Then, my dad also bought a bottle of honey from that guy. Its pure honey w/o preservatives and stuff ya. Cost us 6 bucks..was suppose to be 7 but that guy just said 6. Apparently, pure honey is NOT sweet. So yar..

Was a really interesting experience. Like you are in Indonesia for holiday and bargaining with the sellers along the road who sell stuff they grow themselves. Like in a village kind of feeling. Looking at the guy and they way he sold(put all the stuff on a thin mat), I really wonder how much he paid to get to Spore, how much he brought from his home and whether they were enough for him to earn a profit. At the rate he sells his things, without a fixed price and a fixed group of consumers, I dont know. I suddenly felt while watching, a tinge of pity for these people who live in poor conditions and who have to rely on this to earn that bit of money. I feel just so fortunate that I am here with sufficient money. Suddenly, I think I really spend a lot a lot. Maybe I should cut down man...I was pondering over that while I was waiting for my bro. He was going to meet me first while my dad goes to see a doc at the polyclinic. WHile waiting, I was observing that indo person and at the same time, I prayed to GOd to bless him with business and true enough, aunties came to his stall. Hehe..Dunno why, I like to pray for people for their business to be good. I did it also for some shop(s) near my house. Just feel the need to help them..cant stand it when people have sad looks on them, feel so bad for them even if they are just strangers, esp if they come from a poorer nation or background..

THen, my bro came and I bought him lunch at KFC before meeting my dad. Saw many clementi town students..practically flooding the whole KFC. Saw this girl whos same age and was from FMSS as well. Well, looking at the sec school people, I suddenly feel sooo very old. SImply miss my younger days in sec school clothes and rushing down to food outlets.ha..After lunch, we met up with our dad who was waiting for his med. So, to kill time, I dragged my bro to do some shopping with me..Hehe..so much for cutting down on my expenditure..I just reserved another pair of jeans from samuel and kevins..then my sister came along and we all went home...haha