Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours

:Chua Huiling, Christine:
.:21 going on 22:.
::28111986::


God.Family & Norman.Friends.Piano.Seashells.Fireworks.Travelling.Sceneries.Roller Coasters.Music.Bible.


*Europe.
*Disneyland.
*Maldives.
*..............
*..............
*..............

-6:54 AM

heys..I just received my orientation package last night and was flipping through it. Hmms..For unis, they have loads and loads of different orientation camps. They dont have one common one like the one we had in JC. There's one for the department I am in, many for the different different CCAs. Ok. I dont wanna go for the faculty one or any other one except the one organised by the Sports Club. 50 bucks for seven days. Quite okay a price lah, considering all the stuff I can play there. The problem now is, the camp is from the 11th to 17th of july. BUt, I have my piano exam on the 15th of july! What the crap!!! ARGH! Now how? Rationally, the thing to do is of course, dont go for the camp. Thats like, common sense. But I really really wanna go for the camp cause I'll get to jet ski and play lotsa of other stuff I have never done before! Argh..How? Advice please..even though I know I probably wont listen to it! ha..


-3:32 AM




-1:05 PM

I am feeling as crappy as crap for whatever reason, I seriously do not know. And the worst thing? The feeling just wont go away not even after I fell asleep. Sighs. I dont like it one bit. Sorry for all the crap but I just feel this way, so dont mind me..


-3:11 AM

heys..I just came back from shopping. Red shell and I shopped the whole of bugis before heading down to orchard for her to get some skirt that she wanted. Anyway, theres this new area in bugis(opp bugis parco) that sells really cheap and nice clothes. And when I say cheap, its really cheap. Skirts are like going for prices like $12.00 and you can bargain with the shop-owners there. Sounds like a night market? Haha. The ground floor looks like one but the second level looks a little like Far East but the most important thing is that the clothes there are really nice. I bought a pair of slippers that look really exotic for ten bucks and a pair of black square earrings for $2.50. I was deliberating super duper long on whether I should buy this really nice halter cum bikini swim wear. Its just 30 bucks but it has an expensive look and looks nicer than what other shops have to offer. Really! I didn buy it in the end for the simple reason: MY PARENTS! I dont wanna get slaughtered by them when I get home especially my mum who will go on and on until my dad gets fed-up and scolds me! Hah. Nvm, I'll think about it again and see how la. Hah. Oh ya, at the same bikini shop, I met Phyllis whos actually win's cousin and jude's friend. Hah. I was waiting for her to finish trying on her bikini without knowing that it was actually her inside. That was until she poked her head out and saw me. Ha.

She was like " have I seen you before?"

Then I went " I think I saw you somewhere before.." Hah.

She said" erm, whats your name ?"

" Christine"

Then I went" whats yours?"

" Phyllis"

Then I went" Oh you are winnie's cousin right?"

Ha..then all of us broke into laughter, including the shop owner called Elaine- super friendly and farnie and entertaining shop owner you can ever meet. Hah.

Then after that, Red shell and I headed towards bugis parco. But before we could do that, we were stopped, or rather, I was stopped by this guy trying to advertise his prudential savings plan. Red shell had already signed on that plan. After talking, I realised that the guy, Jeffery, was a former member of Elim CHurch, from hcjc and had just graduated from NTU Accountancy. Hes like some super senior or something. So I just sat down and listened. Apparently, this is a insurance+savings kind of scheme where one has to fork out a certain amount of money monthly. The interest earned would be 3% each year. Heaps higher than outside bank. The catch is customers have to put their money in for 25 years with the minimum being 70 bucks each month. He calculated for me and I saw that the interest that can be earned is indeed attractive. He said that I could like save some money from my allowance and put it into that. I did think that it was a really good way of helping me save up for the future but I decided that I should consult my dad before I signed anything. So I took the print-outs he gave me with all their policies and rules and regulations and data and all that home. But apparently my dad didn like the scheme. He has three such schemes already installed for the three of us. He did it to make himself save for our education. But if I were to do it, then, when I didn have enough money, I would have to go to him again for money and that sort of eats into money that can be used elsewhere. My dad said that his responsiblity was to bring up the three of us, not bring up us and grandchildren. Hah. Furthermore, he said that, his age of retirement is coming and when I finally step into the workforce, there is no guarantee that I can still have the means to fund this thing and if I dont, the company just eats up whatever that I had put in earlier. Hmms..okay..Sighs, all these insurance and bank loans stuff are really complicated. I am just starting to understand all these things and all their words in small prints etc.


-2:47 AM

Today I woke up, slacked around before going for driving at 1pm. Then after my lesson which ended at 2, I walked from lakeside station which by the way is my end-point for driving, to boon lay station. I thought the walking will take about 10-15 minutes so I told Jing that I would meet her at boon lay interchange at 2.15pm. We were going to go for our uni medical check-up together. Boy was I wrong. I estimated the time wrongly or maybe I walked too slowly. Hees. Anyway, I reached the interchange at 2.30pm and walked the longer way to meet Jing. Argh! Should have used my brains more man..

So we got onto 179 and went to NTU. But we got down one stop earlier and had to walk a bit to the medical centre. But it wasn like we even knew where the place was in the first place, despite having gone there of our bioscience challenge in JC2. First, Ntu somehow loves to station their buildings on hills and mountains and they love to torture students by building disgustingly long steep stairs from the base of these hills and mountains, right to the top where the building is. If not, they will have this steep incline which we have to climb. Well, if it was the me in JC, I probably wouldn mind since its like extra training. But now, in the present state I am in, having not exercised in donkey months, the climbing was horrible. Almost killed me. And they don have all their buildings on one hill, they have one building on one hill. So I had to climb up one to get to the medical centre before climbing another to get to the student services centre. These are places ppl normally visit. Dont know why they dont want to station it at some place thats er..more accessible. Oh ya, they should improve their signs as well. Jing and I got lost at some south spine due to their...lack of signs. Ha..

We finally found the centre after dont know how long. JIng just turned her head and saw in big letters " medical centre". Ha..We were in the right building afterall. Just that the place we entered didn link to the centre. There we did our height, weight, eyesight, urine test, and there was a doc there to do some other tests, eg blood pressure etc. I shrank, not that I was tall in the first place. And I put on weight!!HUMMPH! Then after that, we had to head to JP to do our X-ray test in some clinic. We were supposed to go there one hour before the clinic closes which is at five. BUt we reached like a few minutes pass five and they still let us in to do the x-ray. When I was in the room, the radiologist got me to put my hands on my waist and stand infront of this big screen and he pressed my hands that were still on my waist onto the screen. Kind of weird position. Then he said "breathe in and hold your breath." The moment he said, I did it. But he took some time before he came back. So I was there literally stuffed up. Suprised that I could hold so long. Haha.

After that, I went to buy shirrin's prezzie. Got her a belt from 77th street then headed to her house for dinner before going to church with auntie susan and sarah.

oh ya..while Jing and I were leaving the Student Services Centre, we saw this grey thing that fell from a ledge above us. It was a small bird that probably got peck by this bigger bird which just flew to some tree in front of the ledge. That poor small bird was dead when Jing and I went to look at it. Poor thing. Dont know if it died from the attack or from the fall off the ledge. That big bird is seldom seen around. Probably escaped from bird park or something.


-3:53 AM

Today was a erm..complicated day. In the morning, I went to BBDC for my final theory practice and test. Well, I passed my test. Had to passed it no matter how cause I dont want to book another date which will probably be ages away and I dont like retaking tests. Anyway, passed that and went to this counter to print a slip that certified that I passed. There was this guy there to help us in the tearing of the slip from the machine. They warned us to tear not rip the paper. Apparently, many before me have been quite violent with the computer. Haha. Me, being the blur me as usual, scanned my ic with the side with the photo facing up. The guy was telling me, "no, get the barcode..no, the other side..no..the barcode..."Frustration set in. Super paiseh.At that point I simply forgot that my barcode is BEHIND on the other side of my ic. Rats! Ok, that wasnt really the complicated thing.

The next thing I did was to go to the customer service counter and ask them how to terminate my account in BBDC. I had to since I switched to private for practical driving. So she told me what to do and la da la da. I had to go to this other counter to process my termination as well as register as a private candidate for my practical driving test. Halfway while I was filling up a form to register for the test, she wanted to see my PDL and the slip that showed that I passed my FTT. THe thing was, I didn think that the PDL was necessary and didn bother to pack it into my bag the night before. She insisted that it is necessary they SEE the hardcopy. So..whatever. I was planning to go home and bring it. Thats not complicated but then..I called my instructor to tell him I registered as a private candidate already. I had to tell him so that he can book the test date for me. For privates, instructors do the booking since they have to make sure that the car is available on that day, at that time. Anyway, because my PDL was not updated, he could not book the date. To add to that, there was communication breakdown between the two of us. He apparently thought that I could take the nov slots for the test but what I meant was, my uni exams are in nov and I have to take my prac test BEFORE that. It was horrible communication breakdown plus the fact that he was so gan chiong in his speech. I was trying so hard to explain stuff to him on the other end of the phone. Anyway, my instructor insisted that I passed the phone to the lady serving me. He tried to get her to just update the PDL for me first so that he could do the booking. Sort of using his status there to get it down. The lady didn want to so she got her manager or some big shot to do it. After discussing, that big shot did it. While returing me my phone, that big shot told me that I shouldn get my instructor to ask them to update the PDL when I didn have my PDL. He said that next time he wouldn do it as it is against their policy. I was super livid when I heard that and I was trying to tell him that it was the instructor who wanted it, not me! And of course, he didn listen! He didn even bother! HOw irritating though I know its not his fault..i mean, if I am the big shot, I would have done the same. But then, me being the victim, simply felt like rebutting him. I wanted to say I didnt and never asked my instructor to force them to update the PDL as I knew the rules..c'mon lor, I play by the rules one..and I dont get my instuctor to do things that are against the rules! Also wanted to tell him that next time, he(the big shot) wouldn have to help me update PDL again cause I would pass my test first time and not go back anymore!!Argh!!Whatever! Still, I went home, got the PDL and went out again. Wasted about two bucks for travelling fees just to do that. And what did they do with the PDL I brought back? They just LOOKED at it since that big shot had already unwillingly undated the system! Argh! and in the end, all the hoo-ha wasn necessary. Why? coz, I finally decided that I wanted my test to be in dec, AFTER my exams. Had to since they didn have any Oct slots anymore. I didn need the system to be updated immediately to get the earliest nov slots! Irritating with a capital I!

okays..after that I went to Westmall then Jurong point. Bought a skirt but they didn have S anymore. Going on Fri to get the M which I reserved since the last M at JP was spoilt. I discovered a flaw. Ha..Got to alter it anyway to S when I find the time later on.Geez. Then I went home and slacked around before getting out of the house again to go to church. So I arranged with Kok Sin to board the same train when he left boon lay station. Then we met Lucy and Dorothy at Boon Keng station. The service was really good. Altercall was...special. And I love the worship session. I always do. I like to listen to how other pianists play the piano/keyboard. Theres always something different in the way each pianist plays and I like to intergrate all the styles together.Hehe..Like a major copy cat! Hah..but I dont care!Ha..


-2:45 PM

Woke up today to see dark clouds floating around in the sky. Okay. Anyway, I met up with joanne, judy and weeling at the bus-stop opposite Hwa Chong to go back to NJ to collect our certificates. Apparently, we were all late. Me, cause half-way I realised I had forgotten to bring my letter and had to go back home to get it. In any case, Jo was the earliest of the latest with me being second. We had to walk via the main gate as stated in the letter. Climbing up hillcrest road didnt seem as difficult as when I had to do it when I was late for school or some other events when I couldnt use the side gate. Anyway, we had to sign-in at the security area before going into the library to collect our certs. The lamination for our certs this year was not as good as that done for the 'O' levels. The certs were not as rigid.

Back to school..The school has upgraded quite a bit. In many areas of the school, the walls had a fresh new coat of paint on it. The front facing the stadium was green and the practical block was red. In the atrium, there were even construction workers on this framework thingy. And in replace of the stone tables next to the pond, was this E-hub area which was sponsored by EDB. It was very very nicely done with loads of bright colours that complemented one another. Its really weird that after I leave my school, they will start their upgrading. It was the same for my primary and secondary school.

Anyway, after collecting our certs, we went to wadever at coronation plaza for lunch before heading to cold storage to buy ice-cream. Hehe. 4 little pigs pigging out. We wanted to go Venezia at first for ice-cream but decided that we were too broke for that. Then after that, I went orchard to shop. Was actually suppose to shop with mich but her brother fell ill suddenly. Spent about 70 bucks on a skirt, a top, and one three quards. Actually, I saw many many nice clothes which I wanted to buy. But either they were too expensive or the queues for the fitting rooms were too long for which I didn have the patience to wait. I seriously think they upped the prices at Tangs before putting them on discount rates. The skirts which I liked were all at $59.00. I particularly like Island Shop clothes but they only have selected items on discounts and normally when this happens, the uglier clothes are the ones at a lower price. Oh ya..I saw Denise Keller with her mum (I think) at Tangs. Shes super duper tall(maybe its because I am super short) and looked really pretty with her make-up and clothes. Her eyes are very big.Haha. She noticed me cause I was staring too much. Had to make sure it was her cause I thought I saw wrongly at first.

So that was my day..

Argh..I miss school. I miss running around, rushing from the canteen to the lecture halls to classrooms to labs and especially to the sigma lab and bikes and the library and the track and TC11!Haha. Now I can only look at the facilities but cannot use it. I wished I could go back for lectures and tutorials just to listen in cause I dont want to do the homework! Haha.


-7:20 AM

The Great Singapore Sale has started dont-know-how-many days ago but somehow I did not manage to succeed in dragging myself to shop. My friends are busy with work, and la da la da and now it kinds of irritates me that I am the only one not working-not that I'm complaining..Haha. I just want to shop, eat and shop and eat. Window shop also nice. Just to squeeze through the crowds and compete with other people in digging through piles and mountains of clothes.Haha..I think I'm crazy. But the main thing here is that the prices are down by a lot a lot and there are loads of things I want to buy. Another thing is the movies. Its been donkey years since I watched one and there are heaps a lot which I want to watch. For instance, monster-in-law or something that stars J.Lo, and there is this new one which I cant remember the title.

Anyway, just bought a tube and shirt from PepperPlus with my sister at Jurong Point. They were having sales too and their designs have improved since the last time I saw them(which was eons ago). I'll be going, no, I have to go back to NJ this wed at this particular time which I dont remember to collect my 'A' level certificate. I dont understand the point of getting us to go at allocated time slots. We wouldnt jam up the stairs and the hallways to the office, would we? Anyway, anyone would know that given the number of stairs there, it will be enough to hold one cohort. In any case, I prefer going at my own time, own target. The only good thing is that the class would be able to meet again!!yay!haha.

Oh ya..In addition to all my grumbling(might as well finish it all at one go), I have been having this super horrible backache since 3 weeks ago. At first there was a neck ache as well. THank God that went away. That was bad too but it started since JC when I kept looking downwards at my notes. All the teacher's fault with all their homework that I never seemed to finish. Sharon also had the same problem, I think. Anyway, back to the backache. I think its my posture. Last time, I used to sit straight in class and everything. NOw, since I am at home the whole day plus the fact that I havent been exercising since my last OAC or PE lesson, I lie on the sofa and the couch like something without a backbone. The ache is affecting even my sleep now and I cant bend forward as easily as last time. SO now I got to force myself to bend forward sometimes and sit up straight to cure it. Argh! So tiring. Anyway, I got prayed for just now during communion and its better le.

OK. End of grumbling session!Haha.


-5:52 PM

Just finished reading a blog which was set up to commemorate Blenhiem Tan Rikai who has gone to be with the Lord. It showed the daily progress of him while he was fighting for his life in the hospital. Reading it brought 9-10 years ago memories back. The memories of us playing hop-scotch was especially vivid since whenever he meets me, even in sec sch, he would always ask whether my sister still plays with his sister hop-scotch. We were good friends and he was nice to Christie too. Many "ifs" ran through my mind as I continued reading and I was once again angry at myself for being so insensitive when my sister told me that her friend's brother's brain burst while he was sleeping. I had simply brushed it off as I was irritated over another issue. I was angry that I didnt enquire more into the issue, like to find out who the person was. And because of that, I wasnt able to help (donate blood etc.) or at least see him the last time. I wasnt even able to pray for him. Tears which were simply uncontrollable no matter how hard I tried just rolled down my cheeks. The details of emotions in the hospital and finally, at the crematorium will be something no one ever want to go through. While he was fighting for his life in the hospital, fairsians-both current and from previous batches and all Fairfield's staff were engaged in a blood donation drive for him. Prayers were said daily from people all over-in churches of his friends, in Fairfield etc.

Through him, many came to know Christ and accept Him as their Lord and Saviour. Reading the blog really allowed me to sort of experience how it would feel like to have a loved one taken away from me. In the past, when I walk past the numerous funerals held in void decks, I could not really understand the feeling the people there where going through. Now, I can really feel the pain. THis has made me cherish the people I have more and though it is sometimes difficult for me to ta-han some of them, knowing what I will feel without them somehow gives me added strength to tolerate them.

Love and cherish people around you for you never know what will happen the next moment. Live life to its fullest, without regrets.


-2:54 PM

When I logged on to the internet an hour ago, I did the routinal stuff of going through my email, surfing through friendster and some of my friends' online diary. Halfway, something just made me want to go visit Peiling's blog. I didnt have her link so I had to go to judee's first. Then while looking at the layout of Peiling's blog, I saw this link that said "child of light". I didnt want to click it initially but something just made me do so.

That link turned out to be the blog of one of her friends but while I was reading it, I did not realise it until the very end. It was full of biblical scriptures and stuff..depicting how Peiling's friend went through whatever problems she had with the help of God. Given my current situation of having not made it into my dream course, reading through those were a real source of encouragement. I had thought at first that PL was the one going through those stuff since I didn realise the blog was her friend's-paiseh ar PL..hehe. Through my years in JC, I had always known PL as a very strong resilient girl who is always focused and level-headed, capable of taking everything in her stride. But then as I read her friend's blog and mistook her friend for her, I sort of visualised how she being the strong girl I knew, was able to humble herself down to ask the Lord of help during trying times. Although I mistook her friend for her, in the process of thinking, I was in a way enlightened and thus encouraged.

THen in PL's own blog(I got it right this time!), I saw a statement that really struck a chord in me. It said " when God closes one door, He opens another". I know this may sound cliche to some as this is a phrase we often hear so many times. But right now at this point, it really sound so real and relevant to me. The day when I knew I didn get into the medicine course in NUS was literally one of the most torturous days of my life. Through out my 18 turning 19 years of my life, I had almost everything going for me. Good grades, excellent schools, great friends and family members etc etc. Everything that I put as a first choice, I would get. Going into med school was something I had relished since my secondary school days as some of my friends would know. And to know that in the end, that dream was to be shattered just by one piece of paper...I dont know what to say. Granted that the course that I should be choosing now(havent made up my mind) would be as good a course since I am the pioneer batch, I still feel sad over the fact that I didn make it for medicine. Maybe it isnt the right one for me since I didn pray exactly to get in, but to go the path that the Lord thought was right for me. In any case, I've got to accept the fact. Now that many days have passed since that faithful day, things are starting to look better.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8,9

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
Matthew 6:26

Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ-Jesus.
Philippians 3:13b,14