Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Rummaging through Clementi McDonald's dump
-3:50 PM
The title says it all.
Exco meeting was arranged to be at Clementi McDonalds at 730pm. I did not have school today and so decided to clean my room in the afternoon before going for meeting. I reached earlier than the rest as I thought the meeting was at 7pm! But it did prove one thing: that i would reach on time if i was given an earlier meeting time. Anyhows, reaching early was good as I went to search for the clementi postbox. I walked everywhere, holding Vivi's heavy physiology book with me but could not find it. In the end, I had to ask the lady at the station control. Its station at such a corner below the mrt track that I just walked past it without noticing it, or maybe it was because I was wearing specs and couldnt see it. Eh..excuses..
Anyway, everyone arrived and we ate dinner. I had forgotten to bring my retainers container and so I wrapped my retainers in the serviettes provided. After eating, I simply SIMPLY SIMPLY threw the entire tray contents down the bin at McD and sat down for devotion which is done at the start of each meeting. It was roughly 8pm when I threw the waste down. About 15 minutes into the meeting, when I was listening to Vivi and writing notes, I moved my tongue along my front teeth and realised my retainers were not on. It took me a second to realise that I had thrown my retainers away before I suddenly exclaimed that my retainers were in the bin. Everybody jumped in their seats when I exclaimed. Opps. But I was too worried for my retainers which would cost $150-$300 to re-make. I hurried to the bin and started looking around for the cleaner auntie to help me open. Evelyn came over to help me and the two of us started rummaging into the trash. Then Vivi came to help, with GLOVES. I had forgotten that I needed those but I couldnt care less. While Vivi and Evelyn were going through the trash, I went to the cleaner auntie and asked her when she last threw the garbage bag away and she could not remember. It was 820pm+/- and so it had to be the trash in McD or the previous one. So, the auntie brought me to the dump and i really mean, a DUMP to show me which bag was the one she had thrown earlier on. I was so ready to find with my hands but auntie say must use gloves. So, Vivi and Evelyn were working on the one in McD and me, the one at the dump. People were looking and making remarks and i was thinking they probably thought I was doing Corrective Work Order but I honestly couldnt care less.
Halfway through the trash at the dump which stink but wasnt THAT stinky, Vivi came to help me with gloves. I was quite paiseh actually cause the dump stink, meeting had to go on, and she had no obligations to help me but she did anyway. THANK YOU VIVIENNE!!! I was three-quarter-way through that big bag when she came and she helped me but we couldnt find it. But I didnt want to give up so, I decided to re-do that same bag and Vivi helped me. At first I was squatting outside the dump but somehow, I ended up inside the dump while rummaging and pulling the bags to make sure the trash dont fall out. While doing it, a small manager(red-uniform) came out to ask if we had found it. Apparently, cause the first person I saw was the big manager(blue uniform), I immediately told him my plight and asked if he could help me open the dustbin inside McD, the whole crew probably knew what happened. Anyway, the small manager was like saying its difficult to find and probably we wont find it and like its one in a million chance we will get it. And there was this other guy who echoed the same thing and say that the trash collectors were coming at 10pm and if it gets clear, that it..and if we are lucky, we get it and yada yada. And I was so so irritated with the both of them. At first it was the guy who came to ask if we took the keys to the dump cause the cleaner auntie that opened it for us lost the key. I was like..huh..and Vivi said like we will steal the keys to the dump to find the retainers. Then the guy kept asking what we doing, like we were intruders (to a dump!) and the lady small manager came to yada yada. I was so irritated with the guy, I sprouted back in English to him " I am looking for my retainers" when I knew full well he speaks mandarin and probably dont have the faintest idea what retainers are. They probably spoke as a matter of fact, but at that point, I didnt care. It was stinky, the trash was fluidy as you can imagine and I had to stick my hands into the cold fluids, the last I wanted was discouragement. I just wanted to find my stuff in peace and was so determine to get the retainers. And when the lady(the small manager) came, we talked to her at first but after a while, when the discouragment came, I just wanted her to leave. I ignored her.
The most encouraging one was the cleaner auntie. She was so nice! Helped me open trash bin inside McD, got me gloves, brought me to the dump and opened them and lost the keys in the process of doing so, coming once in a while to check if I've found them, telling me to keep them in a safe place next time. Nevermind that she was blur when I queried about the time the previous bag was thrown, at least she helped and didnt po1 leng2 shui3. Even when she say that I was careless, I didnt mind cause unlike the other two, her tone wasnt in a top-down rebuking/discouraging manner. She spoke like a nice auntie that cared. The other nice person was the blue uniform manager cause he helped get gloves and open bins and DID NOT TALK SO MUCH LIKE THE OTHER TWO. Now i understand the meaning of "if unsure, keep quiet."
After finding through the bag in the dump, I wanted to try the 1st bag we tried again for the last time(i.e. the one inside McD). So Vivi and I dragged out both trash bags and started the process again. The first bag gave no result and I was saying out loud for the second time "God, help me find the retainers." I had said it once before and was saying in my heart before Vivi came and on and off. Failure rate looked high, everything looked bleak and black(trash bags) and i felt despondent, thinking what my dad and dentist(who had warned me) would say. Then, Heb 11 came into my head. Thank God! I remember Heb 11:1 which I had read so often in Winnie's email and that blog entry Jun did on Heb 11. Felt uplifted and I decided to block out all thoughts of failure and decided that by faith, I will find the retainers, even if its one in a million! We went through the last bag and suddenly, Vivi gave a shout. She took out a serviette which had something hard in it and she hastily tore the serviette cause it wouldnt open up and there it was ..MY RETAINERS..both of them!!! We were so happy that both of us started jumping there!!! I was so happy, grateful (to VIvi), thankful(to God), there were tears in my eyes!! I could not believe it!! For the first time in my 20+years of life, I stepped into a dump, in Singapore(not that i've done it anywhere else..), regardless of how people talked behind me, rummage through trash and cold fluids which made me almost vomit; stick my hands into undescribable food; had real tears of unspeakable joy! I may seem over-reacting but I was ecstatic.
So happy for the grace of God and faith that put me through it all, thank God for determination and perseverance to go through the bags TWICE, only to find it in the very last bag(had prob missed out the serviette the first round). Thank God for everything! The cleaner auntie remarked that I was "lucky" but I knew it was the grace of God. As I was rummaging, I was simply wondering how could people ever eat anything from the dumps? I've read that the poor go to rubbish dumps to find food and get whatever leftovers they can. My dump would probably be the cleanest of dumps, moreover, my trash bag was most outside and already, I couldnt bear to be at the dump for an extra minute. It made me grateful for what I had there and then and it made me feel for those who had to go to dumps to get food. Not condescending, but I pitied them. Vivi was saying that there was so much food leftover, so much wastage.
Writing this now, I still cant believe that without any hesitation, I actually went into the dump and didnt mind digging with my bare hands. Hmms..maybe I've changed cause in the past, no way will I be willing to go near that.
THe meeting carried on anyway after Vivi and I told the manager we found it and everyone being happy for us, and we disinfecting ourselves in the toilet.
I showered twice the moment I reached home, washed my D&G and will be immersing my retainers in Listerine, salt water etc. Any to introduce?
Thank God for this "experience", making me realise the importance of prayer, faith and grace and planting people along the way, the irriating and the encouraging, to teach me the way I should behave when people are in distress and making me realise how blessed I really am! :) Smiles..***Side-note: While cleaning my big table, I found a purse which had money in it. Upon opening the purse, out scrambled many many many ANTS. Upon opening the money, out scrambled yet more ANTS and QUEEN-ANTS!!!! Man..I've stumbled upon an ants' nest, in my room, in a purse which belonged to me. No wonder, when i was studying in the past sem, I always had ant bites no matter how many ants I killed. Now i know..But I still have no idea how the ants went in there. There were at least FOUR queen-ants and yet more worker ants.And most were on the Fifty dollar note. (Ants also know how to choose expensive bed/nest ah..)Utterly put-off by that! Sunday, August 05, 2007
End of the course
-3:11 AM
Today marks the end of the vocal lessons I had with church friends every saturday. Essentially what I do is I go through with them what I had learned from GV17 on voice as well as what i know about Biblical Worship.
I woke up close to 12nn and realised that I had forgotten to rent/borrow Les Choristes(The Choir Boys) which I had wanted to screen today. Techniques of singing are incorporated into the film itself. I went to Jurong Point's Music Junction and they said it wasnt there anymore. The shop next to MJ did not even know there was such a show. Oh wells. Shall show them some other time.
So, I went to church wondering what I will do to replace that slot for the movie. In the end, I taught the kids piano and vocals started late. We started warming-up and they've really improved heaps since the first time I taught them. It was fun even doing the warm-ups and it sounded like a real choir, singing with unity and continuity. After that came the final presentation. I came up with a list of songs for them to choose to sing for this final presentation and despite the level of difficulty, they really did well! So happy that they were brave enough to singing in front of an audience despite it being the first time for some of them. I had to sing a few songs for them in the end as well although my only practice was probably leisure singing or singing to teach Emily and Gwen the songs. I am so pretty sure that I went a bit off key at the high notes. Heez. At the end of it all, there was the informal speech-saying by me and closing of the course by Auntie Boon Eng.
Hee. The suprise was that the kids drew on the board something for me while the adults bought me a huge sunflower, a treble clef pendant and everyone wrote their notes of appreciation on a transparency which was decorated to look like the stave for musical notations. No wonder the kids were disappearing one by one when I was teaching piano and when the adults were singing. Auntie Amy made Sushi for everyone and Auntie Doreen bought moist chocolate cake. YUMMY!
finally got my teble clef pendant! smiles*
Love all my prezzies!=P
I had to rush off however since it was already 530pm and I was suppose to reach Grace 2 at 5pm for their Young Adults Service. Its their Gold service as it marks the one-year anniversary of Grace 2. Daddy drove me there. When I arrived, everyone was in the front in the midst fo worship and I was contemplating whether or not I should go to the front as well. In the end, I did not. Even with her back facing me, I could recognise Gloria from her petite figure. Distinct. Worship ended and everyone went back to their seats. I sat with rae, shari, dora(fmss senior) as the offering bags were passed around and the guest speaker, a missionary based in Beijing, China, began his message.
What I got out of the sermon at the end of the day were mainly two principles:1. Church Vs Kingdom of God. 2. Self-centered Vs God-centred. The very two things I got out of MEET. During the sermon, it was noted that the word "church" was said only twice in the all 4 Gospels collectively while the word "Kingdom of God" was used extensively, approximately 100+times. So, the question is what is God looking for? Church or Kingdom of God(which in fact is His Church). Issues like competition amongst churches in terms of number of attendees etc. as well as competition even amongst ministries in the same church, were brought up. As the sermon went on, I recalled a quote in Stephen's email. It says "Kingdom people seek first the kingdom of God and its justice. Church people often put concerns of church work above concerns of justice, mercy and truth. Church people think about how to get people into the church. Kingdom people think about how to get the church into the world. Church people worry that the world might change the church. Kingdom people work to see that church changes the world.(Howard Snyder)." If people are solely concerned about church business, all they are concerned are will be of church business and religious behaviour. Kingdom people seek to have a relationship with Christ, and seek to see whatever they are doing to be saturated with spiritual meaning and kingdom significance. Its about Christ as King and us as His citizens. We normally think:me first, church second and kingdom third. Yet the preacher was challenging us to shift our perspective to seeing the kingdom as foremost and paramount.
When Christians put the church ahead of the kingdom they settle for the status quo and their own kind of people, but when they catch a vision for the kingdom of God their sight shifts outside the walls of the church to the lost and the needy. They see the life and work of the church from the perspective of the Kingdom. If the church has one great need, it is this to be set free for the Kingdom of God. (Howard Snyder) In all these, we are not putting down the importance of church. Church is still very important but it is our attitude and perspective that makes the difference. Is church about ourselves and how well we run the activites and govern the church? Or is it looking at all the churches and saying that we are all part of the same church?
This brings me to the point on interdenominational. No doubt there are differences in certain practices but at the crux of it all, isnt it so that we all believe in God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit, that He is God and Creator, Ruler of our lives, Author and Finisher of our faith, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End and thus are in fact, of the same Church/Kingdom? I guess life is so gonna be interesting in heaven where all the different denominations are together worshipping the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
The second point on being Christ-centered rather than self-centered was a good reminder to me. The question posed was "why does God forgive you of your sins?" My ans: Cos God loves me. Next question: Why does God listen to you? " My ans: Cos God still loves me. And for the next few questions, my answers were all the same. No doubt, my answer is true and is a fact. But it is an answer incomplete.
Isaiah 43:25 says"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for MY own sake; and I will not remember your sins."
Psalms 23:1-3 says "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name sake."
My first human instinct when the preacher pointed this out was that " Eh God, why you like that? Everything for Yourself." Yet, God in His very own right, deserves and has every right to please Himself. He is God. But God is different from us. Christ being blameless, 100%unselfish, and full of love, is so good that whatever He does to please Himself or for His own purpose, its good will outflow and benefit us as well. In other words, it is also for the good of us that He pleases Himself since He is faultless and will never harm us. It starts with His godly character! He is good so whatever He does is good. It was a new perspective to me. I realised that my first human instinct was as such because I am full of faults, sins, and selfishness. In my own limited eyes and brain, I immediately used that as the standard so judge God, as if He would be this way. For most humans, it would be whatever we do, whether the deed being good in itself or not, the motive behind that deed will have a certain degree of self-centeredness in it. The way I questioned God at the start would be, in the Chinese proverb, "以小人之心度君子之腹".
~
After service at Grace 2, I had to rush off again, this time for Chien Kai's 21st party. It was held at his place at CCK and the bus188 took eons to come. Anyhows, got there super late and ate and talked with my JC friends. And I had to forget to bring my hairclips. I just cut my hair yesterday and so it is still what i classify as "unstable" with turfs of hair sticking out where it shouldnt. So the people asked if I had just woke up. Humph! so sad! But actually, i felt that yea it was curly and stuff but I thought it looked ok-ay cause of the dye. Oh wells. The photos turn out fine can already. Hee hee!
In anycase, HAPPY 21ST CK!!!
In Him, there are no what ifs, no but i cant, no excuses but sheer obedience to His call.
