Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Monday, March 02, 2009
THe departure.
-12:10 AM
21st Feb 09
I was so so so sad to leave Singapore. Dear drove me to Changi Beach for a mini-walk.It was a more or less quiet drive. I didnt know what to think/feel/expect. I didnt know what to do. At the airport, my luggage was 26.2kg and the woman at the counter(I think shes PRC)didn let me pass and she wanted to see ALL my hand carriers. So niao. So, my dad asked me to take out everything I didn want but i had already taken out a lot of my food prior to this. So he went to talk to the manaager and told him i was a student and tada, i could take up to 30kg, in fact, they gave allowance up to 32kg. 12kg up from my original 20kg. Hand carriers had to be 7kg strictly. So, i just transferred everything from hand carriers into the luggage. The PRC lady was ever so ngiao and still refused to let me pass till I showed her my student pass(and she had to verify its authenticity!?!) and after the manager came over to speak to her.
It was sad waving goodbye to N and to my family. I didnt feel like that when I first left for BJ. N had to go off first so that his parents could use the car and I sent him to the carpark. It was sad to see him walk into the carpark and he didnt let me follow to send him to the car. It was sad to see the car drive out of its lot. It was sad to see the car do her turns through the carpark,slowing down each time it came in view of me, and finally a last slow down as she passed through the exit barrier of the carpark. As the car drove pass the barrier, one last slow down, one last wave, the car slowed down for a while for the last time and it felt as if he just pressed his foot down on the accelerator cos the car zoomed off with great acceleration. I had tears in my eyes as I waved goodbye so many times to him. I went back to the airport, took my stuff, used the toilet, and made my way to the departure gate. Took my last few photos and I was shooed in by my parents. I almost walk through the wrong glass door. I kept waving goodbye as I passed through and went in. THe tears came again as I kept turning and waving.
My dad called as I was looking at the Jordi Labanada series of stationaries and felt tempted to buy but didnt. He asked if I was sad and I said yes. Sniffs*. Then he talked a bit more and said that he would call when I reach BJ.So, I went through the immigration, almost lost my way cos i didnt know which way to my plane but i got it right cos i asked(yea, my impt asset-my mouth.). Grabbed The Straits Times for the day and got onto my plane. I had expected a window seat cos I was on A lane but I was the last row and there was no window!:(( So I thought I'll read the papers and I started crying in no time. THe tears seriously started flowing uncontrollably and I had no tissue papers. On and off on the plane, the tears flowed and when I finally needed to use the washroom, I took 5 tissue papers and went back to my seat,blowed my nose and continued crying. The guy next to me is a PRC and was trying to sleep and read his papers and I was interrupting with my sniffs and crying sounds. Went to sleep, woke up cried and this occurred for sometime.
I reached BJ safetly and I saw snow. Not that it was terribly exciting cos i've seen snow before but, it felt different. I knew its different this time, cos the time duration now is ONE YEAR,maybe more..like one and a half. I met YY and we took a cab together.As i looked out at the sunset, i felt sad and teared again. I reached home, saw SM and MT at home, said hi and began to wipe my tables and bed posts and started tearing again. When SM and MT went out for a while, my flood-gates opened and I wailed. I didnt know exactly why I was crying or why I felt so horrible. I didnt even have words or vocab to describe how I felt but the only form of expression was to cry and I told God that I didnt want to be here and prayed that He help me. Daddy msg me a few msges and so did N. I was so exhausted emotionally, i quickly bathed and changed my bedsheets and fell asleep.
***
22nd Feb 2009
I didnt go to church cos I was really tired physically. So i rested, woke up to read Bible and then went out. I decided to make myself happy and wanted to buy a happy meal from Macs but I didnt like their toys and so I bought Fillet o fish meal instead that was really cheap. It was at 16.50 RMB.THen I decided I need new cabinets to put my summer wear(I brought half my wardrobe.Hmm..maybe less than that. But still a lot!). So after topping up my phone card, I decided to first go to Carrefour to check out the plastic 4 drawer cabinets and other daily necessities before going to Wu Mei to see if there are nicer designs. I saw one in Carrefour and headed for Wu MEi. Then I decided to get the same one at Carrefour and walked back to Carrefour to pick my groceries and other necessities cos I am more familiar with that place. When I reached the cabinet area and asked for a new one, they said they were out of stock and the one on display is spoilt! I was!?! The last time we wanted to get a rice-cooker, the very same thing happened and we had to get it elsewhere. Dont know why they love to put cheap but out of stock or spoilt stuff on the shelf. I was so irritated, I walked to the cashiers only to realise the queues were fringgin long and so I left my trolley with my stuff around(which is really bad behaviour of me) and left for Wu MEi.At Wu MEi,there were many to choose from and the 4 drawers one was on discount and had 100RMB difference from the 5 drawers one. I thought for so long, the person gave up and wanted a different colour combi from that on displayed. When the person gave it to me, I decdided I din want the expensive one, so I took the one on display and left, only to realise I ddin know where the necessities were in Wu Mei and some were not as cheap as Carrefour. Argh. I had the impulse to throw everything away and go back to Wu Mei. But I didn. I bought my cabinets, and went back to Carrefour to check if my trolley was still there but it wasnt. So i had to go pick out my stuff again, this time, with my big cabinet. -.-. I just felt so lost, didnt know what to do. THings that could be done in 2-3hrs, i took 5 hrs. I felt quite silly carrying that cabinet all over the place. An old lady even came up and ask me how much it cost.
A cute boy I saw while queuing at Carrefour.
Just a portion of whatever that was under my bed. Yes, this is the amount of dust you get from one month of absence.
Cleaned my house a bit after that. At least made sure everything in my luggage was out and then rushed to my cousin's place for dinner.
Yunnan 土产 from the housemate.
That was the day.
