Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Sunday, July 03, 2005
-3:32 PM
Heyo..
I had problem sleeping last night for what reason I do not know. How irritating..I seldom have this problem on "normal" days. "Abnormal" days would be those with exams. Anyway, I tossed and turned to daylight somehow. Was supposed to have foundation classes as per normal but gwen didn turn up. Dots...end up class was cancelled and I just sat there with Sis Emily and listened to Ps Margaret Seaward's msg over the walkman. In between the listening, Sis Emily and I talked. She realised I was from FMSS cause I was doodling on the bulletin sheet and apparently, she knows Ms Lim Lian Neo. Took me a while to recall who she was. Hah. Anyway, Sis Emily said Ms Lim is not teaching anymore but is preaching in New Creation.
Today's worship was great. I played piano. Hees. Okay, thats beside it. For the past few worship session, each time I played, I felt that something was lacking in the worship. When I play the piano in church, there has to be a certain "feel". In fact, for musicians, the very thing that enables them to play for God, is that "feel". That "feel" is not anything anyone can have nor anyone can just produce. It is God-given. I once remembered Ps Steven telling me that, once, a lady with superb piano qualifications tried playing church songs but no matter how she tried, she couldn get the "feel" Ps Steven wanted. Ps Steven says that although he doesn know how to play piano, he is able to hear the difference between one thats annointed by God and one that isnt. At that point, she wasnt. So, he gave her some songs and asked her to practise at home. She did so for a week. THe next week when she came back, she had the annointing. Apparently, while practising at home, she played and played until she cried. Such is the power of God as I have experienced it myself while playing the piano. THe feeling was exceptionally strong when I first started out in the ministry in my secondary school days. Those were the days where my playing was not good, in fact, very lousy but somehow, through that lousiness(new word-learn it!) of mine, people were ministered. God could transform my lousy playing into something that ministered to people. COuld just feel the Holy Spirit annointing on me. Those were the times where I experienced the Holy Spirit super strongly. My legs were just vibrate below and despite the lousy piano(yea, the piano wasn good as well), the playing came out real well. After a while, I could even play songs just by listening. THis is a skill that I want to improve on, a skill I nv want to let go. It was really nice to hear Ps Steven say that I have the gift of God in playing. Makes it extra special. Even during presentations when I thought I didnt play well, people said I played well. SOmehow, God change the sound? did something to people's ears ? I dont know.
Anyway, for the past week, I was thinking why I seemed to have lost that "feel" for the past few worship sessions. Then suddenly, it dawned onto me that we did not pray before the session. Last time when I first started, we always prayed. Now, somehow, we start practising late and thus, everything is in a rush, and we forget to pray. Normally, I would quietly pray in my head for God to control my fingers and all..but I guess its different when we pray as a group as a body. I mean, this worship involves everyone so everyone should pray together ma. Yea..So, I was going to request for prayer before the worship session today but Sis Boon Eng got ahead of me. She requested it first. Hah.It was like..wow...like a pray answered. And true enough, today was the best I played in a very very long time. Despite the lousy piano, the sound was great and strong and people were blessed.
Playing piano for the Lord was something not expected. When I first went to ElimJW and heard the pianist play, I sort of wished that I was the one doing that. The pastor then, after knowing that I learn piano, said that she would let me try one sunday. But that didn come. It was only when another pastor(s) took over, did I get a hand with the piano. But with no guidance and all that, I was like on my own. People from the main church had to come sometimes and I would just sit next to them and watch. Often, I had to be thick-skin and just press the keyboard even though the keys are all wrong. Sometimes, the pastor would just ask me to stop playing cause the playing was bad. But still, I thank God for Deb, someone from the main who always encouraged me to play. She would show me how to play certain songs and all that and she was nice company. The two of us always complaining about being fat..HAha..
Anyway, I thank God for my determined spirit and thank Him for helping me! So for all you who
are in ministries or who are just struggling in there, just hang on and it will pay off! Be thick-skinned!
