Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
emOtions
-3:00 AM
I woke up today to realise that it was already 10.30am when I had to reach BBDC by 10.45am. I had reminded my dad to remind my mum who was sleeping then to wake me up but he apparently forgot about it. By the time I rushed down by cab, it was 10.50. I was supposed to go for practice before I took my BTT at 11.45. After logging on to the computer for the practice, I realised that I had booked evaluation instead of practice. What a dumb thing! And I freaked out because I thought that if I failed the evaluation this time, the other time when I passed it wouldn't be counted and all because I click the wrong button while booking. Anyway, I took care not to make any "fatal" mistakes and I passed it. When I explained to the instructor later on, he told me that had I inform him earlier and he could have convert it to practice for me. So dumb dumb. Waste my taxi fare and my sleeping time plus the panicky feeling of failing the evaluation when I was suppose to do practice. Argh!Anyway, I went on to do my BTT. It was like shading OAS except this time, we used pens. It was a little weird cause I'm used to shading with a pencil which is faster. SHould be able to pass it if I didnt shade wrongly.
In the afternoon, while teaching my brother, I flared up at him and he got pissed off with me. I felt real bad about it cause I was showing the exact same attitude my dad once gave when he taught me which I hated. Cant believe I used the same exact behaviour I hated on my brother. Is it the weather, stress or what? I think I am getting more and more short-tempered these days. I cant seem to be able to control my tongue. Words just roll out even before I know it and before I know it, what I had said had gotten me into loads of trouble. Sometimes, it just that I want things to go this way but sometimes, I was just saying things for the sake of saying it without realising the impact of my words. I dont know what I am thinking but words people say also cut me deeply. They think nothing of it cause they say it as-a-matter-of-fact but it causes emotional disturbance. And now thinking back, I think its precisely this disturbance that has resulted in my attitude. Is it or am I just putting the blame on other people? Or am I just plain over-sensitive?
Anyway, thank God my bro is ok with me now. At least he allows me to teach and play with him again.
I dont know what I am doing. The world just seems to be spinning around me. Living in facade.
