Rediscovering Eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
dailies
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Afterglow 2
-2:52 PM
Today marks the end of MEET 05/06. It was a good 10 months i must say. I will miss it and I mean it cos it will never return! All the late nite meetings, BS, my financial stmts tt always give me headaches, the going to ppl's house etc etc etc. I love the team cos though we were very different people and we din really click from the start but we nv ever quarrelled and we are all so gummy now. Its really true that even in church, its hard to find like-minded ppl like them, esp when it comes to convictions about missions and all.
All the teams plus the sups met for the last time at the Singapore Bible College. Haha. I remembered that when I was in njc, I always took buses that went past SBC and I thought I would not have a chance to like go in and see see. But for the past months, we met regularly there for joint meetings(JMs). Today, OMF international director Jonathan spoke. I remembered him cos in JM 2 or something, he spoke and he spoke of the credit card advert that starred Richard Gere. I had thot it was a good advert when i first saw it and he used it to portray worldview and i thot that was quite a good example. Then he also showed video clips of people in parts of the world who were unreached and/or "lost". There was also this clip that showed a missionary couple or was it couples that went to the field perhaps unprepared and couldn adapt well and couldn contextualise. Today, he showed the end of the latter video where the superintendent of those missionaries wrote a letter to them. The letter was a prayer letter. In it, he blamed failures, on the devil, without failing to see that hey, perhaps there are other issues that had led to the failures, for instance, him not being able to take up the responsibility well enough and not being able to live contently in the place he is in. I couldn really hear the audio but the main thing was putting the blame on something else when he was the one in question. The devil is nothing good but perhaps sometimes when things dont go right, we should see if we ourselves are the problem, rather than find some thing to put the blame on or vent.
MEET is the beginning of many things in stored for me. It was not a trip for us to really do missions in the field because more often than not, short term trips are more of a hindrance for the missionaries because they have to think of stuff for us to do, how to house us etc. Of course we do help the missionaries and in certain areas, people do get converted by the short term teams, but to me, these trips are glimpses and exposure of the real thing, a chance to be convicted by God. Many times when we think of mission trips, we think of the doing stuff for people, we think of converting people, but hey, sometimes its just being there, being obedient to what God is showing or teaching us. At the end of the day, it could be a situation where we learn more than we had given. Some may say that its irresponsible of us to make relationships only to break them at the end of the day when we return. Thats true to an extent esp in areas where ppl do not have the means to the internet and computers but when we build relations abroad, we also serve as a link to facilitate the missionaries in reaching out to these people. Its nice knowing that one day we will meet Christians that we may never see till we go to heaven. Learning about the Word, and being convicted about missions being a golden thread running through the entire Bible and finally being exposed to how things are happening around the world has changed my perspective of the Gospel. Everything in the bible and every part of history is still one story-His story.
Going for MEET and all that has placed a more heavy responsibility of missions on me. 2 Corinthians 5 seems so apt, esp that point about being ambassadors for Christ, not that i wasnot before i went on the programme. Hmms..but yet, its not the programme that has changed me per se, but rather the..i dunno how to say la...the lessons learned, and the experiences, the just being-there mayb. Its a life-changing experience where i saw areas of my life not pleasing to Him, areas where i need to brush up on my knowledge of the Word and of Him. I dont know how else I would be used in the area of missions in the future, but i definitely see myself going back to China(coz of studies) and I dunno y but it seems that whatever i do seems to have some link to that country. i mean, i din even choose to go there in the first place..hee.
Stephen said that Lai Yong said that the three things that would keep a doctor away fromt the field would be 1. career 2. money 3. spouse. And i thot how true. The question of what would hold me back from committing myself to the field if He calls kept coming to me since I joined MEET. Many times the qn came to me, I think it was the Lord challenging me, but many times i brushed the question away until the missions simulation camp in Dec 05 when the qn was asked point blank by the sups. I couldn bring myself to admit that it was career. I really cried at that point cos we were given the nite to go wherever we want on the campsite to ponder over that qn. I cried cos i had to face reality of how selfish, how full of pride I was because I couldn give up my career for Him who willing die the most tragic death for a most unworthy sinner like me. I really couldn give that up cos being the pioneer batch of my course which is a double degree gives me an edge over others. I am almost guaranteed with a job esp when i am doing quite well in my studies. Perhaps this was the reason y He din let me get Med. If i got that, I wouldn learn how to put my pride down, I wouldn enter MEET and even if i did, I would be more unwilling to let go, cos even now, I am still a little afraid of the "what if He calls". This same question was asked again just now. Would I lay down everything at the altar? This time the thing that held me back changed to people around me. Career is still impt but i guess i am so tired abt the controversies of my course that it makes me just tired to think of it. Perhaps the controversies made it easier for me to at least consider letting go of the career if He calls. 2.MOney-its not so much of an issue to me esp now when i am not earning a cent and am living comfortably off my parents..hee 3. spouse-haven thot tt much abt tt yet cos thats another big fat headache.
People normally stay in their homeland until He calls, but the challenge is to go, until He calls you to stay. If praying doesn gives an indication for you to go, but yet doesn give an indication for you to stay as well, den continue praying. Having said all that, I am really excited for the plans He have for me although sometimes I do argue with God about certain issues. But i pray that I will learn how to discern between God' prompting and other stuff and really be able to place Him above everything else. (cos this is the first time I felt that I knew what i was doing, despite it being against my parents' wishes. I knew that i was suppose to go and was more sure than even choosing the course for my own uni. thank God that finally everythign went better than i thought and things have certainly improved in my family, even in the extended one.) To Him be the glory!
Knowing YouAll I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this
(Chorus:)
Knowing you, Jesus knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all
You're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you ,Lord
Now my heart's desire is to know You more
To be found in You, and known as Yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness(Chorus)
Oh to know the power of Your risen life
And to know You in Your suffering
To become like You in Your death my Lord
So with You to live
And never die
(Chorus)
